Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Moon and Your Mother



A lot of people know that your Moon sign, house placement, and aspects represent your mother figure. As I always say, just which parent it is depends on the household and the parents raising the child. But, for many of us, the mother figure is the female parent. And because of the yin element of the Moon, I’ll be using the pronouns “she” and “her” to describe the mother figure. The Moon is feminine yet is embodied and expressed by both women and men. But, enough of all of that. I don’t like gender stereotypes; that should be noted by now.  

Your Moon will tell you something about your mother’s nature. Sometimes, it’s wonderful and sometimes, it’s not. It’s what you responded to within her, whether it was her light or her shadow material. There is a darkness and a depth to the Moon, after all. But, I think the power of the lunar goddess’ dark side can really terrify or bother people. It’s why there are so many fairy tales with wicked witches, evil stepmothers, and jealous hags. And this can be a particular issue that your Moon harbors. Our culture’s ideals say that the Mother is supposed to take good care of us. Figuring out the ways in which she might not always have can be really distressing.

I’m not saying that you need to all of a sudden hate your mother. But, there’s a fear I see in some astrology teachers or followers in fully confronting the shadow side of their Moon and, in return, all of their true feelings about their mother figure. One thing I cannot stand is hearing “Your Moon is just your perception of your mother. It’s not actually your mother.” I can confidently tell you that’s this is nonsense. Children probably know their mothers better than anyone (especially once they reach adulthood); better even than their mother’s spouse. So, you’re saying that I don’t actually know the person I’ve known my entire life? Yeah, right.

My first reason for not believing this is, virtually without fail, a person’s Moon always reflects something in their mother’s chart. It’s really freaky and I’ve never seen it not be true. Now, it might not be your Moon sign. It might be your Moon’s house placement or a couple of aspects. Sometimes, there’s just one thing about your Moon that speaks volumes about your Mom. Sometimes, it’s two or three things or all of them combined. 



Either way, your Moon, in some way, symbolizes the traits that you’ve always been highly receptive or sensitive to about your mother. Take someone with a Libra Moon, for example. Their mother will probably have some Libra planets or an occupied 7th House that gives her strong Libra energy. So, from the beginning, you reacted to this energy within her. It’s something you honed in on, often times more than other people would. That’s where I think that nonsense about “it’s just your perception” comes in. Your Moon defines the things you can see in your mother better than anyone. It’s a big part of her, even though it’s not entirely her. So, it can sometimes just look like your irrational, biased perception but it’s really your gut talking.

A person with a 5th House Moon may have a mother with significant Leo energy and someone with a Moon-Neptune aspect can have a mother who’s very influenced by Pisces or Neptune. And this, in turn, affects how the mother deals with her child. It is said, and accurately so, that a parent just can’t help but deal with their children differently. Different relationships are established, not only based on various personality differences or similarities but also the buttons that one can push in the other. So, your Moon defines the emotional buttons that you end up pushing in your mother figure.

Mothers with children who have Libra Moons will feel the need to keep the peace when their harmony-seeking child is around because they sense how easily rattled they are and this brings out their easily rattled side. A mom with a Gemini Moon or Moon-Mercury child, on the other hand, will be very talkative with her children because her children talk so much and are so smart and interesting. And this brings out the very curious, witty nature within the mother.

So, where does one end and the other begin? How a mother and child are constantly reacting off of one another is symbolized by the Moon. And this, of course, is a deep, instinctive part of your nature; a way you’ve emotionally responded to things since birth. It’s just that, through the rapport with your mother figure, it becomes more and more reinforced, until you’re so used to it that it feels completely natural. It turns into the most automatic part of you.

Another thing that astrologers seem to use to reinforce their idea that your Moon-mother image is “just your perception” is the fact that siblings will usually have different Moon signs. But, to isolate the signs is a mistake, as I’ve found that there is always some common thread between siblings and their Moon signs. A brother can have a Virgo Moon and a sister can have an Aries Moon. But, the sister’s Aries Moon can be in the 6th House (Virgo’s house) and the brother’s Virgo Moon can be conjunct Mars (Aries’ ruler). You can also see one sibling with the Moon in Taurus and another sibling with the Moon trine Venus, which rules Taurus. And so on.

Something like that is always happening. There will virtually always be similarities between siblings’ Moons. And then you often get siblings with Moon signs in the same element and even the same sign. So, that makes their interactions with mother even more similar. Even though they will have different relationships and experiences with their Mom, it would be unrealistic to think that they will all see her as a completely different person. She’s still the same person and siblings will still have shared experiences, which are symbolized by the echoing aspects and house placements.

Now, how many resentments, fond memories, horror stories, and heartwarming moments are surrounding your Moon does truly depend on your mother’s personal growth and maturity. Anybody can have an exceptional mother and anyone can have one who leaves a lot of scars. Traditionally, we’ve been told that the “worst” mother figures have children with the Moon in Scorpio or Capricorn. Is this always true? Of course not. These mothers can just be seen as passionate, deep, insightful, and complex (Scorpio) as well as ambitious, reliable, respectable, and in charge (Capricorn). This can set the stage for a really beautiful, solid relationship between mom and child.

Yet, unfortunately, it is quite common to see people with these Moon signs have very unhealthy relationships with their mothers: dysfunctional, controlling, very conditional, deeply manipulative. And since these unhealthy mothers can often be narcissistic, on a clinical level, it definitely doesn’t help to tell someone that their discomfort with them is only a perception. Because these moms can be so skilled at using mind games (Scorpio) or their public image (Capricorn) in a controlling way that they can deceive people into thinking highly of them, including their own children.

It’s not a pretty picture but it’s important to realize. However, again, narcissistic or sociopathic mothers can have children of any Moon sign and it often comes from some sort of difficult aspect (a square or an opposition). Whatever the case may be, you have to be open to whatever issues your Moon might have. It can be a painful process but it’s necessary. It doesn’t mean that you have to stop loving your mother or something. But, this kind of self-therapy needs to be done, no matter how ideal you believe your childhood was. None of us are faultless and the flaws you see in your mother, via your Moon, may not have been selfish, cruel or uncaring. Maybe they were really accidental or unintentional. Either way, those explorations need to be made to heal yourself.

If not, they will become your issues. Because, after all, your Moon is still your Moon and not anyone else’s. As an adult, you have to take full responsibility for it. So, it describes your inner nature in ways that you have to own up to. If you don’t, the things your mother did wrong will be the things you do wrong. That’s why Scorpio Moons with toxic mother relationships who don’t heal will end up becoming controlling emotional vampires, as she was, and why Moon-Neptune people who don’t confront these mommy issues will display the same complete delusion, boundary issues, and run-from-my-feelings attitude that she had.

The cycle has to break somehow. And if you don’t deal with the less than pleasant side of your Moon, you’ll never rise above those generation-to-generation issues and experience the amazing aspects of your Moon as fully as you can. I don’t mean to be harsh but I don’t totally believe in the phrase that “everyone does the best they can with what they have”. I don’t think that’s true. I believe it’s just a way for some people to find comfort. I do think a lot of people do their best but many people don’t. Trying your best, to me, comes from doing the work on yourself to recognize your issues and become a better person. Some are scared to do this and some are not. If you really go deep with your Moon, you can do just that.

24 comments:

  1. How do we understand the Moon when we're adopted? I was adopted shortly after birth. Doesn't the Moon also signify inheritance? If so, whose? Birth or adopted Mom? Guess I have two questions here. -- Judy

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    1. If you know and have a relationship with both mothers, then it'll be both of them. Biology doesn't matter. And I'd say one mom may represent one part of your Moon and another Mom, another part.

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  2. Great piece. My moon is Sagittarius in the 8th house - conjunct Sun and Mercury and square Pluto, Uranus and Jupiter. My mom and I have a very intense relationship and she is a "Master of the mind game". She tends to use her powers for good, not evil, however. I don't think she is narcissistic or a sociopathic. My favorite part about her is her extraordinary intuition. Things just come to her after she "sleeps on" a situation. The next morning she'll have an epiphany and just lays out the exact, raw kernel of truth motivating a person or situation. I love calling her "the day after" an experience as saying "Ok, Mom - let's hear it!". She is rarely wrong.

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    1. That's great. A positive Plutonian mom will be like that: very insightful and intuitive and full of inner riches for her child to benefit from.

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  3. That was quite insightful to me. My mother and I have a very complex love-hate relationship. I've never been very close to my mother and I always thought that was because of my moon opposition Uranus. I realise now the fact that my moon is in Leo does play a role. I've always felt like my mum steals my thunder and I guess there's always been an aspect of competition between her and I. Thank you anyway. I think I've started figuring out my mother a little bit more

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    1. My mom and I both share a Sag moon - so I believe we are on the same page. Always searching!

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  4. Bear with me this will be a long post but I will cover both my chart and "mommy" issues as well as similarities with my siblings. My mars in cancer in the 12th is opposite my capricorn moon in the 7th. I was raised that throwing temper tantrums, and expressing anger was futile. It was my moms way or the highway, so I learned to repress and hide my anger.
    My south node is in cancer in the first house, even though my mom is very difficult ive always loved her and been a "mommys boy". As i got older it got more and more difficult to deal with her. My moon is conjunct, uranus and neptune in capricorn in the 7th house. My mother has tried to emotionally manipulate our family by either ending up in the hospital time and time again, or by writing suicide letters and never following through with it. She is very erratic and unpredictable and is always "playing the victim"

    I have a twin brother he was born 17 minutes before i was, so our charts our very similar. My sister has the saturn conjunct her south node in aries in the third house opposite her libra moon in the ninth conjunct her north node in the ninth. Uranus in the first house trines her moon and sextiles her saturn.

    I look forward to reading others experiences as well :)

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  5. I would like to share my moon story as well as similarities between my siblings charts.

    I have mars in cancer in the 12th conjunct my ascendant opposite my moon in Capricorn in the 7th house. I learned from a young age that anger and assertiveness would get me NOWHERE with my mom, displaying anger and temper tantrums would get mean discipline of some sort. Even though my anger would be visible to everyone, it was the acting out on it that was frowned upon. My moon is conjunct uranus and neptune in capricorn in the seventh house. My mother tries to earn our attention/love/support by jumping in and out of the hospital due to "illnesses or surgeries" and when that doesnt work she will leave suicide notes and has never followed through with it. She was my "momager" growing up and told me when to get a job, and would manage my finances for me telling me how to spend my money.

    I have my south node in cancer in the first, so i imagine my mother has always played a big role in my identity and life and past lives and my role this life is to finally "cut the cord" and move on with my life without her giant role in it.
    My twin brother is seventeen minutes younger than I am so our charts and experiences growing up were very similar.

    My sister has her south node in aries conjuct saturn in the 3rd house opposite her moon in libra conjunct north node in libra in the 9th house. Uranus in capricorn trines her moon and sextiles saturn. She also experienced similar "mom" issues growing up.

    We have all since moved out, and are closer and have empathy for each other because of our mother. Hope this was informative :)

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  6. Very very insightful. I've always taken the "it's not your mother, but your perception of her" to be a bit of semantic acrobatics, in a sense. I think you've treated this very well here. Clearly, one's moon is not one's mother in her entirety, but also one's mother IS one's perception and experience of her, but obviously not "just" that. There are real energetic lines between mother and child - as you've said, it's a dance - mother and child are always reacting off of one another. Without fail, one's moon will ALWAYS reflect something in their mother's chart - yes, yes and yes. I've always traced this in my own family - and to give one really simple sign example - though, as you've said it's not just confined to signs at all, my mother's Sun is in Capricorn, my Moon is in Capricorn. My grandmother's sun is in Taurus, my mother's Moon is in Taurus. I've always found these links fascinating and deeply revealing. Without a doubt, you can *always* find your mother in the condition of your moon. I also love, love, love, what you've outlined here as exploring the moon as a pathway to initiate a healing process. Fantastic, Wayman.

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  7. Hello everyone, I wanted to add on this blog an interpretation of my mother Wayman has done for me, some aspects you may have as well. :)
    So, the Moon in Cancer signifies a really powerful relationship with the mom, for better or worse. She's most likely highly protective of you and there can be intense closeness and an intuitive connection that is beyond the verbal or logical. You might need to give yourself some distance from her, actually, even if the relationship is great because things can just get really smothering between you two.

    Moon on the 8th makes this even truer, to a point where it might sometimes be difficult to breathe and be a separate person around her. Cancer Moon in the 8th can make for a highly manipulative mom. But, you might also feel deeply supported by the loyalty and empowerment and insight that she may bring to your life.

    Moon opposite Venus and Neptune shows that it can be tough to feel at peace or emotionally present around her. You might try to please her way too much or sacrifice your needs for her because you feel sorry for her. Then, this leaves you unhappy! So, work on finding more of a balance. I am sensing that you may be more of the mom emotionally to her and that needs correcting.

    I don't think the fourth house represents your mom or dad, however. I think it's just your private home life. It's sort of a contradiction because Pisces IC means you're used to a very chaotic home while Saturn in the 4th has a very structured home. It can be both, in a way. Maybe things are so crazy at home that you're the only one who can fix it all. Saturn in the 4th grows up feeling like an adult. You were given some position of authority very early. Maybe too early! I don't know if you have younger siblings but Saturn in the 4th is often an older child in the family, looking after the younger kids while the parents are busy working. You might have worked very early also.

    All of this leads to huge worries over your home life that, as you move out and live on your own, stay with you. Saturn in the 4th can feel like home is a depressing or burdensome place that they always have to be in control of. But, this attitude just makes this worse! And since your IC is Pisces, you can be very oblivious to these issues. Overcoming these anxieties means creating a safe, supportive home life for yourself where you can contribute solid efforts for everyone's well being while also getting to relax!
    She might be very overprotective in that way (the moon opposite venus aspect), maybe even making you feel like you need to be guarded about your sensual, beautiful side because that'd leave you vulnerable. This can make your approach to relationships unbalanced until you work out that complex. I think it's just generally tough for you to enjoy your Capricorn Venus pleasures, which is being more self-sufficient and ambitious, and please your mother at the same time. Maybe that's a big source of the abrupt move.

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    1. Hi Angelina,
      Your interpretations are great. Do you also wright somewhere on this topics?

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    2. Or i have misunderstood something?
      Wayman, you did the interpretation for Angelina Dohr and she has shared this on the blog?

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  8. I have also lately discovered my grandmother's birthchart from my dad's side of the family and it does strongly correspond with my chart. She has a strong leo influence whereas I have a strong Aquarius influence. (They are the opposite signs of the zodiac). She also has a Gemini sun whereas I have a Sagittarius ascendant. She also has moon in Cancer, in the 12th house. AND, we both have pluto conjunct the ascendant! (She has a Leo ascendant).

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  9. Congratulations for your article...it's the best article on Moon and Mother I've read

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  10. Yes, best article on Moon & Moms I've ever read too! Well done!

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  11. Really good article on the moon and mother. The moon defitely does say alot about the mother and her influence so this was great thank you

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  12. I have a loving mom with little conflicts! My aries moon in the 4th house, it is pretty surprising that i have so many squares with the moon and none from the sun! Considering that my mother is ever so nurturing and a true trooper! She never had a divorce despite constant abuse from my dad!

    - moon square with venus
    - moon square with mars
    - sun sextile jupiter
    - sun sextile saturn

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    1. Aw well 4th House Moon people usually have wonderful relationships with their mothers, even more so than Cancer Moons, I think. The 4th House is what makes you feel rooted and safe and supported. So with the Moon there, the Mom is usually a lovely support system.

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    2. Also I have moon in aries in the late degrees of third house so conjunct nadir

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  13. My daughter has a Libra moon, and I have Pluto in Libra and an Libran Ascendant! I also have a Scorpio moon, but like to think it's the 'positive Plutonian energy' I express rather than anything else!

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  14. Eeeek! Both of my sons have moon in Scorpio. My oldest has moon conjunct Saturn in Scorpio-- double eek!! Luckily he has 4 grand trines in water through those. My youngest (9 months old) is at 1 degree Scorpio and is conjunct several planets in Libra. I feel like I have a target on my back as I've only known one guy with this moon, and his mother died when he was 2. I read Eminem has a Moon in Scorpio������ this isn't getting any better here. I AM intense as a mother, I did almost die with each child (the last time was severe postpartum preeclampsia which ended in an ambulance ride). When I do go back to work, I'm an RN and plan on changing into hospice. I constantly work on myself emotionally and try to be a positive force. I absolutely wanted my children, and I'm not abusive. I don't spank, hit, etc though I have broken down into yelling before. I try to apologize to my 2 year old when that happens and tell him I shouldn't have yelled. I try to show him ways to deal with emotions, allow him to express them openly, give him outlets, and try to be a good example though I still certainly fall short sometimes. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not dying next week! LOL Thanks!

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    1. Don't worry. It does not have to mean awfulness, abuse or death. It can just show you being an intense person and the intensity of your emotion provokes the intensity of their emotion and vice versa.

      Also it's said that Eminem has an Aquarius Moon, not a Scorpio Moon. Yet it is trine Saturn in Gemini. Moon trine Saturn could still bring issues with being nurtured. Also he is a Cancer South Node. Many of them have a major bone to pick with Mom that is holding them back.

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  15. Dang, my son has a Capricorn moon (4th house) and this made me feel horrible. I couldn't possibly love him more than I do.

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  16. What about libra moon 12th house opposing pisces venus/north node 5th house and squaring saturn/uranus 3rd house

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