Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Venus-Mars Aspects: The Lover

With your Venus conjunct, square, opposite, sextile, or trine your Mars, you’re the lover. Does that mean that you’re all sweetness and sugar? Not necessarily. Venus-Mars aspects are interesting in that these two planets are quite different. Venus is a passive principle, focusing on all things pleasurable, easy, and enjoyable. Mars is an active energy, though, pushing us to get out there, know what we want, and be aggressive. So, with a Venus-Mars aspect, your way of being aggressive and assertive is basically to love. This often makes you intensely warmhearted and affectionate. But, it can also turn matters of the heart into an all-out war.

You’re a lover but you’re also willing to fight (Mars) for that love or throughout that love. For you, loving someone means fighting for them or fighting with them. This can go in many different ways. Those with the conjunction, sextile, or the trine can believe in healthy sparring matches in love. It can be anything from keeping the passion alive to being willing to hash out disagreements respectfully with one another. But, with the square or the opposition, the fights you experience in love might get a little too heated. This is the classic aspect of that person who feels like it’s not a truly satisfying relationship unless there’s head-butting on a regular basis.

Venus-Mars people can live for conflict between them and the people they love: not just significant others but good friends, as well. But, you are also purely energized by the love itself. Mars is what drives us and when it’s in aspect to your Venus, love is what drives you. It’s what gets you out of bed, in the morning. This led to a powerful awakening when you went through puberty. I believe that Venus describes how we handled puberty, as this is the time of emerging sexual feelings, crushes, dates, and that yearning to be that person’s boyfriend or girlfriend. And when Venus-Mars people enter adolescence, they do so with a vengeance.

As a teenager, you were so boy-crazy or girl-crazy that it could’ve started worrying your parents. All of a sudden, you couldn’t focus on anything else: school, family, extracurricular activities. You were all about that hot guy or girl in your Math class. Crushes totally take over a Venus-Mars teenager’s life. How they act on this can fall into two extreme categories. There are the adolescents with a Venus-Mars aspect who are perfectly content to just crush on their object of desire from a distance or for seemingly forever, even if they’ve been rejected or ignored. And then there are the ones who just have to win them, launching an all-out campaign to date them. But, even the ones who are more okay with the unrequited love still develop a strong desire to make that person theirs, even if everything (and everyone) else around them is telling them that it’s not going to happen.

This sets you up for a life where love and being loved is a real goal, more intensely and powerfully than the average person. The rest of us are simply looking for a relationship. Venus-Mars people are on the hunt, sending out their own metaphorical mating call. And without a relationship, it’s difficult for those with this placement to focus on anything else. There’s always this demanding little voice inside of you saying, “Find him/her! Find them now!” Now, all people who have a certain aspect are not going to act the same. So, you may meet a person with Venus in aspect to Mars who seems satisfied with the whole single thing. In many cases, that individual will just be unable to commit because there’s too many sexy people catching his/her attention. In other cases, they actually desperately want a relationship and it shows because it’s ruining their focus elsewhere.

That’s a pretty defining trait of these aspects. Venus-Mars people will typically feel quite unfocused and unmotivated without a partner or, at least, a regular string of people who are in the running to be their partner. This is why you’re the lover: without someone to regularly love, you start withering away. I’ve found this is much truer of those with Venus-Mars aspects than those with 7th House placements alone. 7th House people, particularly Sun in the 7th, are regularly labeled as being unable to function well without a steady relationship. But, I think Venus-Mars folks really have us beat in that department. It all makes sense because Mars is your drive and so with Venus touching Mars, relationships are a big part of your drive, whether you realize it or not.

And since Mars is so passionate, your significant other has to make you feel passionate. In this way, you’re still that same lovesick teenager you were all those years ago. Venus-Mars people don’t exactly seem to calm down, in this sense. Getting the number of that attractive person at the bar can still make you feel like getting the note from your crush that reads “yes, I do like you.” But, there might be so much passion in your love life that it’s difficult to contain. As I said before, if the Venus-Mars person indulges too much in these passionate exchanges, love becomes a real battlefield, resulting in various mind games, power struggles, petty fights or competitions.

Mars is competitive and wants to win, after all. So, with a Venus-Mars aspect, you can frequently feel like you’re competing against your lover and that makes you really good at playing at their own game. It doesn’t help that you’re drawn to people who are really passionate or headstrong, since Venus rules what we’re attracted to. So, that kind of fire in someone else is irresistible to you. At the same token, people are regularly drawn to the feistiness that they sense within you. This sets the relationship up to be a pairing of two warriors, consistently going at it. There are many ways you can go at it, however. You can fight to a degree where it starts getting ugly. You can challenge each other, in a healthy way, and demand each other to hold your own. And you can, well, go at it.

It’s an unavoidable element of these aspects: the sex has to be red-hot. Both Venus and Mars are sexual, in different ways. Venus is more about the sexual feelings and the appreciation of sex, while Mars is all about getting action and keeping those drives satisfied. This makes Venus-Mars people very sexual, as well as very sexually appealing. Those with the sextile and the trine more so smolder with this aggressive sensuality, while having the conjunction, square, and opposition can make it downright overwhelming. It’s crucial for your sex life in your relationship to remain active. Sex really makes you feel loved, as your way of showing and receiving affection (Venus) is basically carnal and lustful (Mars). At the same time, don’t let this drive you to the point of substituting sex for love.

But, you definitely know how to get what you want through your personal appeal. That’s another powerful trait of a Venus-Mars person. Mars represents the weapon(s) in our arsenal and Venus is all about charm and attractiveness. So, being very attractive – whether by being very sexy, very funny, very sweet, very smart, or any combination of the above – is your secret or not-so-secret weapon. You make for a formidable charmer, pulling out all the stops when it comes to your personal charisma. Now, often times, it’s to achieve your objective. But, you may also just be doing it because you simply get off on doing it. You’re energized by being able to wrap someone around your little finger, often for no other reason. Yet, Venus concerns itself with other people’s happiness, as well. So, you know how to do whatever you need to do in order to please the other person. 

That could possibly send you into the realm of being a serial people-pleaser. But, your intentions are not always concerned with others, in this sense. Being such a lover, you feel that when people don’t like you or when they aren’t pleased, you may be losing the upper hand. So, your motive to please can actually be quite selfish, whether others realize it or not. At the same time, this is a placement that can come to value that healthy, reasonable selfishness, understanding that they have to please themselves, first and foremost, before anyone else. As you see, Venus-Mars is one of the most contradictory combinations you could have. Eventually, for most people with this placement, a balance is nailed between giving love to others and giving that love back to themselves.

This leads to a great deal of pleasure when it comes to being assertive and going after what you want. With some of these individuals, mainly the square or the opposition, it’s difficult to pursue their wants while not upsetting others too much. But, plenty of personal growth comes from knowing how to do so. Venus-Mars people find a lot of enjoyment in being active and aggressive. It can mean regularly working out, consistently going out to do exciting things, or just not sitting still for too long. In any case, you are developing a value of this active, dynamic lifestyle. Knowing that you can really make things happen enhances and reinforces your self-worth.

It extends into how you relate to other people. As much as those with a Venus-Mars placement can indulge too much in arguing, they can also learn how to kindly, sweetly assert themselves and their desires. Then, they can see how a spoonful of sugar goes a long way. You might also find the other kind of Venus-Mars individual who’s actually quite passive-aggressive about their anger. Rage can be just as unattractive as it is attractive to these folks. Some of them just don’t want to get too mad because they feel it’ll make them “ugly”. It all depends on the person. But, a lot of them have the ability to lose their temper and express their anger in ways that are civil enough to make you believe they’re not that angry. In this case, they politely kill you with kindness.

As a Venus-Mars person, you are very passionate about your personal tastes (symbolized by Venus). You’re someone who knows what you like and what you don’t like, eager to let both be known. At the same time, you love swaying other people to your side of the fence. You are often quite dominant, in this sense, and can easily be that person who manipulatively coerces your friend or your partner into watching this movie or hearing this album or wearing this shirt. And if they start to dissent, you’ll just say, “Don’t worry! You’ll love it!” Those with Venus-Mars aspects have a strong desire to spread their taste around to others. It’s another goal; the process of culturing or refining someone else. If Venus and/or Mars are in Leo, Virgo, or Sagittarius, then this is even likelier.

Venus also represents our particular fashion sense. So, Venus-Mars usually gives a person a real passion for fashion. But, even if you’re a slob who couldn’t care less about clothes, you will insist on not caring about fashion, never wanting to be directed by someone else regarding what to wear. This placement lends a person a bold, independent sense of style. You dare to put on whatever you feel like putting on, almost challenging the other person to tell you they don’t like it. Yet, the aggressive refinement of Venus-Mars aspects means that the opposite usually happens. A lot of these people become total fashion idols, as if they were models or Hollywood actors (and especially if they are). It extends to the make-up the women wear and the way the men (and women) get their haircut. The choices you make are fearless and ballsy but also graceful and sophisticated. You know how to throw down the gauntlet, fashion-wise, making the rest of us step up our game.

Venus conjunct Mars: You’re the most avid lover, since you have the conjunction. The good thing is that you go all out when it comes to winning people’s hearts and showing your love. You invest in relationships with great passion. The drawback is that you may begin demanding to be loved too much according to your personal desires. So, find a balanced way to give and receive love.

Venus square or opposite Mars: There can be many frustrations in matters of the heart, since you have the square or opposition. You’re most likely to butt heads with loved ones because you’re never exactly getting what you want. Your lesson is asserting yourself with people without being selfish. This is what brings out the true strength of your affection and devotion.

Venus sextile or trine Mars: With the sextile or the trine, instead of living your love life in the fast line, you’re more capable of pumping the brakes. Your style of loving is passionate, bold, and direct without being too overwhelming. At the same time, you always want to keep those fires burning. Just make sure you don’t cause an explosion because you can do so without realizing it.


  1. Will there be a sun-venus conjunction blog in the future ?

  2. I have Venus and Mars both at 12 degrees Capricorn. I don't feel that most of this fits me at all, particularly the wanting a boyfriend all the time. I pretty much hated my peers for most of my adolescence.

    1. Maybe you had issues feeling accepted? If you have any squares or oppositions to Venus/Mars, they may really throw things off. It can make it hard for you to express the energy. Also, think about the house its in.

      But, Venus conjunct Mars innately makes for a people person, a Venus relates and connects and Mars takes action. However, you just may not be living up to or realizing this potential for whatever reason.

    2. It is directly opposite my AC. That, and it's conjunct a lot of other planets.

    3. That explains it then. Anything conjunct the Descendant and/or in the 7th is something a person can have a hard time being on a very independent level. You struggle to feel very attractive or very passionate without relationships with people who are really appealing and full of passion. So, it's important for you to own those qualities first.

  3. Hi Wayman, I have this conjunction in the 10th house squared by my moon in the 12th house - I've only just recently realised I have what you described above as part of my nature and something I have to express. Maybe this has to do with the square from the moon, baggage from the past and old patterns of comfort that prefers obscurity and self-effacement out of habit and fear..

  4. What about inconjunctions with Venus and Mars?

  5. The celebrity crush I had as a teenager hit me at 14, and I have never exactly grown out of it! Venus-Mars conjuction in Taurus.

  6. I have the conjunction at 6 degrees in cancer and 5th house. I'm intense and have had to learn to temper myself in love so as to not to look too eager or scare others away. I also have pluto moon conjunct on 8th house cusp. Some times people run from me. I'm learning I hope. Lol

  7. I have my venus in leo conjunction mars in leo 7th house what is its meaning?

  8. i'm demiromantic, what does this mean??

  9. Hey I have a question I have north node in Scorpio in 11th house. I have Venus,Jupiter, Pluto in 11th house how does this play into my life.

  10. Hey I have a question I have north node in Scorpio in 11th house. I have Venus,Jupiter, Pluto in 11th house how does this play into my life.

  11. Hi Wayman
    your article is outstanding, one of the best on these aspects that exist! What would my love nature be like if I had venus in Aries (in 2nd house)/mars in Sagittarius (in 10th house), venus trine mars, venus trine Uranus, venus trine pluto, moon in Libra? Any insight would be greatly appreciated! :)

  12. Venus conjunct Midheaven square Mars in the 12. I fall in out of love/obssession easily is that normal for this palcement?

  13. I can't believe I JUST found your description. I literally felt like you were describing my life (which obsessively revolves around my love life, ha)! I have a Venus in Pisces Square my Mars (and Moon) in Sagittarius! Wow wow wow!!!!

  14. I have a Libra Rising Sextile to my Leo Sun and a 0 degree orb conjunction between my Venus and Mars in Cancer which both trine my Jupiter in Pisces, and Saturn is in my 7th, yet i've been alone my entire life(I've also felt very sad and extremely alone my entire life)

  15. 8th house Sagittarius Venus trine Mars in Aries in XII