Friday, June 10, 2016

Sun in the 7th House: The Reflection



It’s been over a year since my last article on Sun in the 7th House, which I did as a part of my series on planets in the 7th. But, I’ve found that I sometimes enjoy revisiting placements I’ve already done articles on because, sometimes, one article just isn’t enough. I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to have the Sun in the 7th House. In my last article, I did pretty much break the stereotype that having this placement does not mean that you feel desperately alone and unsure of yourself without a romantic partner. I think certain 7th House Sun people may feel this way. But, not all of us. It seems like, just as a side note, those of us with the Sun in Fire or Earth in the 7th tend to be more self-sufficient than those with a 7th House Sun in Water or Air, which makes more sense as the Watery and Airy signs are more dependent on exchanges with other people.

What this placement does mean is that your ability to relate to other people defines who you are. And when we talk about the 7th House, we generally talk about romantic partnerships and good friendships. Your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, and best friend are represented by your 7th House energies. And how many people say their significant other is their best friend? And how many times does the relationship with your best friend feel like a marriage, to the point where you often know them better than their partner does? This is what we’re dealing with in the 7th House; the people who truly affect our lives. It’s not really our family, although your immediate family members are usually a reflection of your 7th House. They’re your first relationship(s), in this way. Yet, I feel like the 7th House is more so the people who are attracted into our lives.



Yet, my favorite astrologer, Dana Gerhardt, does have a fascinating theory about the 7th House, in regards to one’s parents. She believes that the 7th House represents the “marriage myth”, aka how you’ve always viewed and experienced your parents’ marriage/relationship. The flawed and/or amazing elements of this union are represented by what’s in your 7th House, eventually defining the way you go on to have relationships. I think it’s a solid and accurate theory and makes it interesting for Sun in the 7th House people. If the Sun is who you are, does this say about your parents’ marriage? I feel like it means that you’re the product of a marriage that significantly shaped who you are and how you view yourself, more than the next person.

With the Sun in the 7th, the parents’ marriage often falls into two dramatic camps. The first is one of “compromise, compromise, compromise.” The Sun comes into play when we reach consciousness and begin developing self-awareness. Therefore, with many people with this placement, self-awareness emerges through the realization that relationships are about constantly meeting in the middle and this comes through the parents’ example. In this case, the parents can have an extraordinary marriage. There will probably be a period that is particularly challenging for the parents yet they will still find a way to stick it out. So, the 7th House Sun person figures out who they are by learning how to “make it work” with people: connect, meet in the middle, agree to disagree, understand one another, etc. The parents often mold the child’s self-expression through the example of their marriage and their way of relating to one another.

But, unlike the 1st House Sun child who gains their identity by just putting themselves out there and trying all sorts of new things, the 7th House Sun child is learning from the parents’ example. This later extends to other people, setting them up for a life of self-expression that originates from other people. It’s why we end up becoming “the reflection” for others. We become a mirror for others, as this is how we learned to express ourselves. Many Sun in the 7th House people grow up watching their parents and seeing how to interact with another person to great success. And since the union between the parents is so wonderful, then the 7th House Sun sets out to make their unions with others so wonderful: their lover, their BFF, or whoever else is close to them. And if they have to do some compromising to achieve this wonderful “marriage”, then they will. Yet, this does lead to the 7th House Sun who compromises themselves too much and does not have their own personal center, always reacting off of someone else’s actions.

But, then, you get the second type of Sun in the 7th House person: the one whose parents’ marriage was one that was significantly separated. Just as many people with this placement have parents who have been divorced/not together ever since they can remember. Therefore, the self-awareness develops in a different fashion yet with an underlying similarity. Unlike the 7th House Sun who had the exceptional union as an example, those of us in the second camp didn’t have much of a union at all as an example! In this case, neither of our parents can teach us about compromise because they didn’t really succeed at it. So, our self-awareness and will (Sun) develops by teaching ourselves about compromise, to a degree that makes us seem more independent than the first type because our identity has always been of the product of a failed relationship.

Therefore, why are we going to stick around in a terrible relationship? Our parents didn’t. Why are we going to keep friends in our lives who aren’t good for us? So, our view of compromise is more self-willed. Don’t forget that the Sun’s ruling sign is Leo: the boss, the leader, the one who calls the shots. And for all of the talk about us 7th House Sun people being super-sweet and bending over backwards to make others happy, there is a side of us that can flip and just say, “Oh, hell no.” It factors into the fact that the 7th House is about one’s expectations in relationships. And, for many 7th House Sun people, particularly ones who are products of a dramatic or significant divorce, the expectation is “I have to be in charge and, if something goes wrong, I have to do the leaving.”

And if that means that we have to be single, then so be it. But, deep down, no 7th House Sun really wants to be single. I just think the child-of-divorce 7th House Suns are more able to handle it than the child-of-the-ideal-marriage types with this placement. After all, the 7th House isn’t just about the lovely side of commitment. It’s also about what happens when you end up being incompatible with your partner, when they break your heart, or when it just doesn’t work out. So, actually, many of us with this placement can develop quite a cynical show of independence in reaction to being single or disappointed in love than only covers up the fact that we’re actually terribly romantic. 



But, commitment is actually a part of who we are. So, if you have this placement and you’re running from it or trying to avoid it, you’re avoiding who you are. And because our identity is so wrapped up in our union with others, commitment can bring out our willful side. The 7th House Sun person is the kind of partner whose kindhearted brand of love has some steel underneath; the iron fist in the velvet glove. Whatever sign the Sun is in, it’s what you want the relationship to be like. And you will pull all sorts of maneuvers to get it to that state. Going back to the “marriage myth”, it’s either an attempt to achieve that ideal relationship that has shaped your self-image or to avoid the terrible separation that has shaped your picture of who you are.

It’s why our thoughtfulness can actually have some selfishness behind it, which many of us may be unaware of or deny. Whatever’s in your 7th House is something that can be as much of a source of disharmony between you and others as much as it is a source of harmony. So, Sun in the 7th House people constantly find themselves involved with types who may feel so self-absorbed and demanding. But, in truth, we can be just as self-absorbed and demanding in relationships. We can make things all about us, wanting our relationship to reflect our picture of ourselves. And if we’re doing these acts of kindness with that selfish motive, how genuinely nice is it all? The key is for us to realize how manipulative we can be, how self-involved our expectations of others are. If we are trying to turn the other person into ourselves, then we’re not really loving them, are we?

But, it is remarkable just how 7th House Sun individuals do end up with someone who is “the same person” as them. I think this is our destiny. Yet, in order for this to really happen, in a truly natural way, we must come to fully love ourselves. I always advise people to develop a loving relationship with the side of themselves represented by their 7th House before they can have a satisfying relationship with someone else. And with the Sun, the planet of the self, the answer is simple: love yourself! Then, you will be able to turn that love back around to others, realizing that the things that you found disagreeable in your partner are just what you find disagreeable in yourself. That’s true of everyone but especially of us. So, when we fully accept our personality, we will fully accept our significant other’s personality or our close friend’s personality.

And a mutual exchange of full personality is what this placement is all about! No matter the sign, 7th House Sun people want their relationships to be fun, entertaining, and lively. The sign will just show how. The Sun in Gemini in the 7th will want fun, lively communication in their personal relationships while the Sun in Taurus in the 7th will want to relax with other people in a fun, lively way. And if you have a Leo Sun in the 7th, like me, it’s all about pure fun and entertainment. It’s why we attract so many colorful personalities into our lives. It’s truly a requirement to get close to us. What’s in your 7th House is what you just need from someone else to make that commitment. So, for those of us with a 7th House Sun, we need that liveliness and entertainment from someone else to commit to them, platonically or romantically. When it comes to love, we will end up with the person who we can have a good time with and who has plenty of personality, giving us partners who have personal placements in Leo, an angular Sun, or planets in the 5th House.

Yet, the 7th House is a mutual exchange, as I said. So, we are the fun, entertaining life forces for other people. The 7th House is how we influence others and how they experience relationships with us, as well. And those of us with the Sun in the 7th are just really fun to be with, once we make that personal connection with someone else. We might seem detached, unassuming, reserved, or impersonal when you don’t know us too well. But, once you get to know us, you will find that we have so much energy and personality and confidence to bring to the table. I think that is the thing about us: we grow to be very self-confident in our one-on-one interactions with others, as the Sun is our place of confidence. So, with a 7th House Sun, we develop our self-awareness by knowing how charming, engaging, likable, and personable we are and being able to wield that confidently.

Dana Gerhardt also makes an interesting note about the 7th House when she says that self-employed people should use the sign and/or planet(s) in this house to attract and connect with clients. That’s another kind of one-on-one relationship of this house. The Sun is a very personal energy and it wants to be special. So, for those of us with this placement, it always works to be very personable with your clients. You need to shine a light on them and show them what’s special about them. I do these things with my clients, giving them very personalized readings that treat them like special individuals. Also, you have to engage with them by shining a light on yourself. I think people do respond a lot to me giving personal accounts of my own placements here on the blog.

Of course, I don’t make my clients’ readings about me! But, I think being willing to discuss my authentic self here on the blog helps that connection and makes them want to see what I have to say about them via my readings, becoming a mutual exchange of self-discovery. I actually feel like that this is the best way for me to shine: being authentic and self-aware for the sake of others’ self-awareness and authenticity. With the Sun in the 7th House, we find ourselves through influencing others. Yet, it’s only through an ability to really be ourselves, love ourselves, and express ourselves that we will be able to cultivate the identity of the one who is capable of allowing others to be themselves, love themselves, and express themselves.


6 comments:

  1. Hey is my Sun is in Leo but the 7th house cusp is Cancer what would that say? It's confusing though

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  2. Replies
    1. Its the same thing for me. That's just where synthesis comes in. Neighboring signs have certain things in common. Cancer and Leo are both very reactive, subjective, heart over head signs. Cancer is just more sensitive about it while Leo is more passionate.

      I would say that you definitely seek a heartfelt connection in your relationships. You want to be and to have a sensitive and comforting companion.

      But, in the end, I think the planet in the house can overpower the sign on the house cusp. So you will be a bit more attracted to confidence and liveliness in others and will be more of a confident, lively influence on others. The touchy feely influence is still there but its more passionate than sentimental and sappy.

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  3. From your perspective, what's the difference between dignity and debility? Examples would be cool. Like the contrast between dignity and debility of a 7th house sun vs. a 1st house sun. To stay on topic.

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  4. Thank you for this post! I have a stellium in 7th house, Virgo Sun and Leo Moon, Mercury, Venus and Jupiter. My parents had several terrible relationships when I was growing up but interestingly I got along with each parent, step parent, sibling, step sibling etc and my family calls me the Mediator. Now I work in individual counseling and hospice (12th house stellium). I think the Balance and Harmony represented by 7th house expresses itself in my life as an intentionally helpful (Virgo Sun) connection between self (Leo stellium) and other (7th stellium). This used to mean I was very codependent and overwhelmed in intimacy, but now that I've become autonomous it is simply the language I speak with everyone I meet: how can we connect, how are we alike, what are our shared goals, what can you teach me, what can I teach you? When 7th House natives learn boundaries and the give-and-take of relating it can help them bring out the kinship with everyone around them without melting into/trying to please/control them.

    I truly appreciate that you go into such thoroughness about your own chart, it helps me understand. Thank you for your website!

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