Wednesday, November 30, 2016

My Birth Chart (Rectified)



Birth chart rectification is sometimes necessary even when a person has their birth time on their birth certificate, as I have recently discovered. In my previous article, I wrote about certain doubts I had about my Ascendant, after having this discussion recently with a few people. Because, you know, birth certificates can be wrong. They’re made by people and people can make mistakes, just like your mother or father or aunt can be wrong in their memory of your birth time. 

I say this because I have talked before about how, when I first had my birth chart done, I had that “eureka” moment when I discovered the rest of my personal planets and they made so much sense. But, the one thing that just didn’t make as much sense was my Capricorn Ascendant. I think I just learned to make sense of it and it was easy because I have such a strong Saturn influence that I believed to be the Capricorn Rising at play. And, in the end, I feel like I spent the past eight years projecting a lot about my chart and its placements instead of actually experiencing them and listening to my instincts, which would sometimes tell me that certain things were “off” but I became very good at rationalizing them. 

Anyways, I decided to try out rectifying my chart because I felt like there was a very good chance that I was actually an Aquarius Ascendant and not a Capricorn Ascendant. And not just because of my North Node, either. My gut just kept nagging at me and telling me that there was more to the equation. So, I looked into it.

And honestly, the Aquarius Rising chart fits so much better in so many ways. It’s not that I didn’t like being a Capricorn Rising or didn’t think it was a cool sign or anything. I’ve always actually stood up for Capricorn against its bad press. It’s just that I never felt like, “This is me”, when reading about it like I would about my other placements. But, something about the Aquarius Ascendant resonates so much, beyond even just the North Node. So, from now on, this is the chart that I’m sticking to. 

****
August 8, 1989
7:20 PM
Little Rock, AR




So, that makes me:
Sun in Leo
     Sun in the 7th House; conjunct South Node, square Pluto
Moon in Scorpio
     Moon in the 9th; conjunct Pluto, sextile Mercury, Saturn, Neptune, trine Jupiter
Aquarius Ascendant
     Moon square Ascendant

***

Most of my house cusps are the same because my house line-up, in the old chart, was close to the traditional Aquarius Rising line-up anyway. I still have the North Node in the 1st, Sun in the 7th, Venus in the 8th, and Saturn and Neptune in the 12th. Jupiter moves to my 5th, Uranus to my 11th, the Moon and Pluto to my 9th, and Mercury and Mars to the 7th. 

The thing that really tipped the scales for me, in terms of deciding on this new chart, was the transits for it. In my old chart, the transits were always generalized and, as I said, I feel like I did a lot of projecting them instead of experiencing them. I think I either lived them out the way I thought I was supposed to or looked back on them and highlighted the things I thought were relevant. As much as astrology haters may harp about “confirmation bias”, they do have a bit of a point. Astrology, of course, is not false or mind-trickery. But, it’s important for you to truly experience your birth chart and transit chart, instead of just going along with the descriptions or trying to be or do what you think that you should be or do because of them.

With this chart, the transits I’ve been through are more specific and compelling while they were so generalized in the old chart. I can actually pinpoint exact events with transiting planets hitting certain angles or moving into certain houses. A lot of turning points in my life are very accurately described by this chart. For instance, it seems like I actually just ended the Saturn in the 10th House transit a few days ago. It makes sense, as the past two years have been loaded with responsibility and me having to be “the boss”, which began ever since I started doing chart readings a couple years ago and became effectively self-employed. This occurred once Saturn in Scorpio hit my now 22-degree Scorpio Midheaven in October 2014. And for the following two years, I did experience a major boost in success but I also experienced serious roadblocks to certain successes as well as a constant feeling of pressure and of having things riding all on my shoulders.

When you’re doing a birth chart rectification, I see now that it’s not enough to just think about the person’s nature, behavior, personality. Testing the transits in the chart are really what make or break it. So, this convinces me that I’m actually an Aquarius Ascendant. So does the fact that my persona has always been progressive, independent, free-thinking, and nonconforming. Again, though I always blamed my North Node, I haven’t had to be “awakened” to this side of myself and my inner potential. I’ve always been conscious of it. I feel like, if you ask someone what they think of themselves, the first thing they respond with will be reflective of their Rising sign. Your Sun is your true identity, at the end of the day. But, the Rising sign is how you view your place in life and it’s much more immediate and impulsive than the Sun. So, the automatic way someone describes themselves is the Ascendant, while the more self-aware answer is the Sun. My first response when you ask me who I am has always been “different” or “free-spirited” a la Aquarius.

In terms of the Descendant, I have always been way more attracted to Leo than Cancer. I’ve always been looking more so for someone who is self-confident with a strong personality than someone who will take care of me or protect me (I actually don’t really like that). And if Mercury in Virgo is in the 7th, that explains, beyond my Virgo Venus, just why I have always been so drawn to and close to Virgo people. Also, having the Moon now square my Ascendant actually makes more sense than having it conjunct the Midheaven. The Moon would still be conjunct my Midheaven ruler, Pluto, and in the same sign, so it still has some subtle affect in terms of my life goals and public profile.  

But, my struggles with being defensive, guarded, and sometimes shy while growing up would be more symbolized by Moon square Ascendant. That was a block to the very friendly, open side to me sometimes because I was always just scared of being hurt or the situation not being “safe”. Yet, when I deliberately stopped taking things personally and let that guard down as an adult, I was able to naturally be really friendly in behavior and not have my emotions (Moon) get in the way (square). Also, I have always said that I have to “feel people out” when I meet them and go with my immediate hunches about them. My Scorpio Moon could be quite harsh about that, back in the day, and then that would totally affect how I acted toward that person. Nowadays, I have a much better handle on that but I still have that raw honesty with people. I just act on my feelings a lot!   

I do not take the “Ascendant is your appearance” thing too literally. I actually think it can get quite silly. A person’s lips or jawline does not tell you their Rising sign, in my opinion. It tells you their genetics. But, I do think that every Ascendant can manifest certain significant physical traits, due to the bodily parts and functions they rule. Aquarius rules the blood circulation, nervous system, calves and ankles. My legs have always been a standout feature and more developed than my upper body. If I had a dollar for every time people told me my hands were cold (even when I’m not cold at all), I’d be rich. I do get weird nervous tics and twitches as well as random body spasms. Many Aquarius Rising people are remarkably tall and my height gets commented on a lot. I’m 5’10” but people act like I’m 6’2”. I look taller than I am, thanks to being so lean and having such freakishly long limbs.

Basically, I can relate to so much more about the Aquarius Rising appearance, as well, like looking much younger than you are (instead of the Capricorn Rising thing where I was actually supposed to look older in youth, which has definitely never been true), getting stared at a lot, and being able to surprise people just through your movements or your presence. In my gut, this feels like the right Rising sign. So, I’m going to take the risk and go with it. It’s good to have a healthy sense of doubt and not blindly follow whatever you are told. So, remember that just because you have your birth certificate doesn’t mean that this is your actual time of birth. I’m not saying everyone’s time will be off but it can be the case for many people, which is why you need to think for yourself.

There is one astrologer that has a theory that the time that the soul is born is the actual time of birth, not the time one comes out the mother’s womb. So, the soul’s birth time trumps the physical birth. That may or may not be true and may be too esoteric for some people. Maybe the wrong time was recorded or remembered. Regardless, if there is some sense of discrepancy there between how you feel and what your chart says, you should look into it. Who knows? You could actually be the Rising sign either before or after your alleged Ascendant, which would usually be the case if working off of the birth certificate.

Anyways, that is the end of the ramble about myself. I just thought I would share that because I’ve used this blog to share so much about my chart (which I used to have posted up) and many of you probably know quite a bit about me, in that regard. It’s kind of a trip to get a new chart after eight years of the old one. But, it’s great because it’s not only a better fit but I feel like it is my destiny in my life, thanks to my Nodes, to have a stronger, more self-defined sense of who I am. True to my South Node, I thought I knew who I was but I was just sort of “performing” a version of myself. But, now, I feel like I finally have a perspective on myself that is based on my point of view and not someone else’s. And that’s the reason I’m here.

P.S. I know my blog posts have been seriously lacking lately. I feel like, after all of the series I finished earlier this year, I’ve just become tapped out recently. I am thinking of a new series to do, along with much more frequent articles. I feel like I want to do a “Jupiter in the houses” series next. If you would be interested in that or if you have ideas for any other one, comment below about it!




Saturday, November 19, 2016

North Node in the 1st House: A New Attitude



People often want to know what the difference is between having the North Node in a sign and in the house that rules that sign. It’s not exactly the same, even though there will be certain similarities. So, having the North Node in the 1st is not exactly the same as an Aries North Node. Yet, there were still be many similarities, including the imperative to be your own person and go down your own path, regardless of what someone else says, does, or thinks. Those of us with a 1st House North Node (and this is a placement of my own) have to express and live out that Aries-like sense of independence and initiative, not needing to live through other people or have someone else by our side to feel complete. 

When you have the North Node in the 1st, you need to not be defined by anyone but yourself. The problem is that people with this placement come from a past where other people heavily defined them. I mean that in both ways, such as they feeling more complete or assured when depending on someone else, emotionally or mentally, and having other people tell you who you are and who you should be. Since the 1st House is our own individual point of view that we view and approach life with, having the North Node in the 1st means that what you really want out of this lifetime is to have your own point of view on just about everything, including yourself. When you assume this brand new attitude, you will be able to do whatever you want to do. 


There will be many people who have this placement and actually have their North Node in the sign that follows their Ascendant. If that’s the case, it’s like you came into this life and took on a role that wasn't right for you (this is also why I swear by Placidus because it tells a much more complex and interesting story of a person’s life, instead of looking at it all too neatly and simply). It may take a while but when you finally realize that you were actually meant to live as the North Node sign, instead of the preceding sign that the Ascendant is in, you really grow as a person. If you have a 1st House North Node in the same sign as your Ascendant (and even conjunct the Ascendant), you just weren’t really given the right set of tools to be like that sign. Either way, whether we were forced into being someone we didn’t want to be or were not given the right direction to be who we wanted, we are now being summoned to live how we want to live.

Since we are highly experienced in our South Node house, it only makes sense that our early life is quite devoid of the concerns of our North Node house. The South Node is, after all, your past. I don’t just say “past life” because it is also your past in this life. So, with the North Node in the 1st, you have the South Node in the 7th. Therefore, the early part of your life is spent thinking a lot about how your actions affect other people. And if you believe in past lives, this is because you came into this life with a lot of past-life experience in relationships. However, this manifests in an unbalanced way early in life, leaving your 1st House to be neglected.

One of the many things that the 1st House represents is the first several years of a person’s life. This is when we are just behaving solely according to our impulses and desires. Having the North Node in the 1st usually means that you did not have an opportunity to act on your impulses and desires very much, if at all. Children with this placement typically do not get to just go through this phase of life without worrying about the consequences or how people will react. All kids should be conditioned to behave a certain way, for sure. But, with this placement, that conditioning was so the child could be a true mirror of what the parent wanted them to be. 

1st House North Node children do not kick and scream and shout to get their way. In fact, they are not at all concerned with having their way, which can actually be quite a developmental issue, since kids are supposed to learn how and when to say “no” during this time. Even if it can be a bit tough on the parents, it’s still healthy, in moderation. However, kids with this placement usually don’t say “no”. It was all about being agreeable and just getting along with the parent. In this way, those of us with North Node in the 1st learn how to be good at relationships basically right after we learn how to talk. We figure out how to just be really nice, agreeable kids who don’t rock the boat, who compromise, don’t have ugly or upsetting temper tantrums, and are just easy to deal with.

Because we don’t figure out how to separate ourselves from others, starting with the parents, we don’t figure out our own vision of things. So, in terms of the actual Ascendant, with this placement, it can be something that is either forced upon us (if it’s in a different sign than the North Node) or something that was not encouraged at all (if it’s in the same sign). I did not have a progressive, open-minded, free-for-all kind of early environment, a la Aquarius. I was not given much room to think for myself or just be myself without any pressure. True to the South Node in Leo in the 7th on top of my Sun, I felt required to do a ton of “performing” and was always conscious of the “reviews” that performance was getting. 

But, I always say that the North Node is something that is not learned. We don’t pull these traits out of thin air. They are brewing inside of us and just need to be acknowledged, accessed, and let out into the light. And they end up developing and growing inside of us because of the imbalance of our South Node and a dissatisfaction with what it has to offer us. So, there is only so much “playing nice” that the 1st House North Node can do. Our North Node is so powerful that it ends up emerging in certain ways, even when we don’t mean for it to. I feel like most North Node in the 1st people grow up acting out some sort of unconscious rebellion, some stomping of their feet and saying “no” finally, to the chagrin of the adults around them. 

Basically, kids and adolescents with this placements are generally goody two shoes who feel compelled to act out or go bad in some way or on some level. For me, it was in school. There were many times where I could have gotten straight A’s and I just did not care. I wouldn’t study, I wouldn’t pay attention in class, I hated doing most projects. Yet, I was still “nice” about it and not an actual brat in my behavior. This is a phase that’s taken on with a passive-aggressive spirit for those with this placement. The child or teenager isn’t actually screaming at their parents or showing blatant disrespect. They don’t seem like they are trying to be a troublemaker and probably still feel a lot of guilt or pressure to be good. But, underneath all of that, is this yearning to say “No, I’m going to do what I want and I’m sick of being who you want me to be.”

This carries on into adulthood and ends up coming out even more powerfully because when we reach maturity is when we are capable of really owning and expressing our North Node. So, it’s around the late 20’s or early 30’s that those of us with the 1st House North Node learn that it’s alright to do whatever we want. We are being given permission to by the Universe, as it wants us to succeed at our North Node and puts us on track to do so. We are being allowed to put our desires first and to not be overly concerned with how it is going to affect other people. To a certain extent, we are being allowed to be like small children, that phase of life symbolized by the 1st House, acting on and trusting our impulses and not worrying that much about the consequences. Just do it! 



I’m not saying take that to a dangerous or stupid extreme. Do think about certain consequences, of course. But, for the North Node in the 1st person, this reliance on our own instincts and our own point of view means that we don’t have to be preoccupied with what’s going to happen or where it’s going to lead us. Just following our impulses will lead us in the right direction. So, that means letting go of the nice guy or good girl role that we have spent so much time living up to. It doesn’t mean that we won’t be nice people anymore because the 1st House North Node person will always have a sweet, goodhearted charm underneath it all. But, we spend so much time trying to make people think the best of us and by trying to be the most appealing version of our South Node sign possible. Now, it’s about just being the North Node sign, whether that’s “good” or not. We have to let go of those preconceived notions of how to behave. 

The best way to put it is that you are allowed to express some of your North Node sign’s not-so-great qualities. If you have the North Node in Taurus in the 1st, you are allowed to have your moments of being stubborn, self-indulgent, or even flat-out lazy. If you have the 1st House North Node in Capricorn in the 1st, you are being given permission to be occasionally stern and tough-loving or to put your career first. Sagittarius North Node in the 1st? You’re allowed to not have a filter, to be kind of careless, to just keep moving forward and rarely look back. In the end, you expressing these traits isn’t you being a “bad person.” But, you have spent more than enough time trying to be good and trying to make everyone happy. Now, you just need to make you happy.

For me, with North Node in Aquarius in the 1st, I feel like I am allowed to keep a certain distance and detachment, even when it’s not the nicest thing to do. I’m so bighearted and generous, so it has been my pattern in the past to create that special closeness with people and be close to them and only them. But, that never works. The Universe actually wants me to prioritize my ideals and my causes first. I’m very friendly and love people as a whole but I’m also being allowed to not give too much of a shit about people because, sorry, you’re not more special than anyone else. That is Aquarius’ major flaw, as is being quite inconsistent and unpredictable; another pattern that I’m being allowed to indulge in. But, to have the 1st House North Node is to behave in a way that is totally honest to that North Node sign, flaws and all, instead of trying to create the prettiest and most appealing package that will get you liked by everyone. 

However, when we focus on our North Node, we get what our South Node wants. So, 1st House North Node people are actually more likable when we don’t care about being likable. It’s when I play it cool, follow my own random rhythm, and keep a certain distance that I end up getting the most praise from people, whereas trying so earnestly to be praised always falls flat. For Taurus North Node in the 1st, trying to be so deeply connected with others won’t work too well. It’s when you remain focused on your own simple, stable affairs that people will feel most passionately about you. Capricorn North Node in the 1st House will allow you to find that sensitive, responsive, caring rapport with others when you stay strong and just focus on handling your own business. 

The 7th House represents our partnerships in life and the South Node being here means that we not only have been constantly seeking some sort of partner but have constantly been molding ourselves into the perfect partner in the past, whether it’s for a significant other, a close friend, a relative, whoever else. But, we now need to turn in the direction of just being an individual. When we focus on just being recognized as our North Node sign, regardless of what people will say about it, then we will end up attracting the people into our lives who can provide us with that partnership to automatically balance our energies out. With these people, we can safely express some of our South Node qualities, just as long as we remember that this life of ours is not a lifetime about partnerships. So, as lovely as your romantic partner or best friend may be, do not live for them or through them (another trait of this placement can be actually taking on the personal qualities of others, often to serve as the perfect reflection of them in order to be liked). 

Instead, this is a lifetime that’s about living for yourself. The 1st House North Node is probably the easiest house placement of the Nodes to describe because you just have to act like the sign that the North Node is in. My suggestion is for you to think of yourself as the Rising sign that correlates with your 1st House North Node. Obviously, if you have a Taurus Rising and a 1st House Taurus North Node, that’s pretty simple. But, your Ascendant may be in Aries or even in Pisces, if the 1st is really intercepted. In this case, you need to think of yourself as more of a Taurus Ascendant. Your actual birth chart isn’t going to change. But, I’m talking about just altering the way you live and see yourself. This is the energy you came here to embody and be recognized as. You will probably find that the more you become comfortable with your North Node, the more you will seem like you have the Ascendant in the sign it’s in. When you have the North Node in the 1st, you get to define yourself.