I feel like I have to make slight amends for an article I wrote, in the early stages of this blog, about people with their Sun in Libra. I expressed some reservations about the sign but it wasn’t a bashing. It was still pretty objective. Still, I do frequently get e-mails from Libra clients who say, “Now, I know you don’t care for Libras much…” The truth is that there really is no sign that I hate. And as I always say to my Libra friends (who internalize the moments when they feel like people don’t like them more than the average person), I have the Sun in the 7th House, Libra’s house, as well as my South Node, Mercury, and Mars. That means that I can be quite Libra-like myself. So, as soon as I wrote that article, I had to step back and check myself and realize the things that I didn’t like about Libra people were things that I wasn’t really liking about myself. Projection at its finest.
Besides, people are supposed to really love Libras, right? After all, this is what so much of their energy revolves around: love. But, love manifests in many different ways for Libra, whether that’s making the other person their all or one stable relationship after the other or a complete mess of a love life. Scorpio, the sign that follows Libra, loves to go to extremes. But, Libra doesn’t go to extremes so much as it goes through various phases. The mascot for the sign of Libra is the scale; the old-school sort of scale where one side is constantly dipping while the other one is raising in order to come to a place of balance. This doesn’t mean, contrary to popular belief, that Libra is automatically balanced. It means that they are always trying to find a place of balance and they have to go through many different “levels” of the scale in order to get there.
This is probably most evident when it comes to matters of the heart, which is the Libra specialty. But, the thing to point out is that Libra is more so about relationships than sheer love itself. It is an Air sign, after all, and Air is an intellectual, rational element. Leo is more so the sign of love and romance because, as a Fire sign, it understands pure passion. This is why Leo’s house, the 5th House, precedes the 7th House domain of Libra. The 5th House is what happens when you have all of those heartfelt, overwhelming, and passionate feelings for someone. But, the 7th House is what happens when you take that passion and try to make sense out of it. In doing so, you can hopefully make the passion last enough to turn it into an actual committed, connected relationship.
Yet, Libra can be romantic; highly so, in fact. It’s just that Libra is not romantic for the sake of being romantic. If someone with a Libra Sun, Moon, or Rising is performing some romantic gesture, it’s because they think that, on some level, they are expected to. It’s not the mere dating phase, where going out to a restaurant or a fun concert or to the park is enough. It’s not buying roses just to show your interest. It’s buying roses because it’s your anniversary or going out to a special dinner because you haven’t in a while. Libra romance is the kind of romance that does not spark a relationship. It’s ritualistic romance that keeps it afloat. But, since Libra is a logical sign, someone with this influence who leans toward being romantic will be forever concerned with keeping the relationship afloat. At this level, it becomes a song-and-dance to please the partner.
Their significant other may feel overwhelmed by all of this people-pleasing, whether it’s making the other person dinner or giving them a back massage or buying them that shirt they were eyeing yesterday. This is how the infamous Libra need for approval expresses itself the strongest. They think that as long as they keep doing things to make their partner happy and show them that they care, then the scales will be balanced. Yet, it never really pans out that way because if they keep having to do so much work, then the scales keep moving. Things will actually never be balanced. Many Libra people have to be burned in their relationships in order to truly realize this, often either by a selfish monster who just wants more and more from them or from someone who really resents their desperation to please.
So, this is one definite level of Libra behavior. The Libra soul who is going through the people-pleaser phase should not fool themselves, however, into thinking that they’ve been so used and taken advantage of. This sign is kind, thoughtful, giving, and considerate. But, Libra is not selfless. I had a friend once who was also into astrology and insisted, up and down, that people with Libra placements are not selfish in love. I don’t buy it because love is inherently selfish. We all have expectations of the person that we love. We all want something from him or her and that determines our compatibility with that person. Libra’s ruling over the 7th House of personal relationships, therefore, shows how profoundly they understand the give and take that is involved in these close, one-on-one connections.
Pisces’ version of love, however, is truly selfless because they, at their best, don’t expect anything in return. But, this is why their love feels so transcendent and beautiful yet also so impersonal and removed, at the same time (which is why I find it curious that Venus is exalted in Pisces). If you don’t expect anything from someone, it’s not a personal connection. The minute you do, it becomes personal and, therefore, selfish. It’s just that Libra’s selfishness manifests in ways so both people can get what they deserve out of the situation, instead of opposite sign Aries that makes getting what they deserve their top priority. Libra values your desires and their desires equally. The thing is that they also want you to think the same way, which is why these people can be so passive-aggressive and manipulative. Libra loves to influence people and often do so in order for you to tell them what they want to hear.
It’s the Libra Moon husband that keeps saying he’s fine with his wife going out with her girlfriends, even though he wants her to stay home. It’s the Libra Sun who keeps dropping subtle hints about what they want to do for their birthday, expecting her best friend to figure out the rest. They want for the other person to get it, to show that they care enough, to fill in the gaps they’ve left for you to fill. It’s that line from The Break-Up where Jennifer Aniston, who perfectly channeled her Libra Rising into her character, says to Vince Vaughn during an argument, “I want you to want to do the dishes.” Although that film tried to draw on some cliché man versus woman lack of understanding, that is actually a classic thing for any Libra person, male or female, to say, leaving other people with less complicated expectations scratching their heads.
So, this leads us to another level of Libra: the really messy love life and relationship history. Just because Libra is the sign of relationships doesn’t mean that they’re the best at relationships and they’ve got this all figured out. In fact, some of these people can actually downright suck at relationships. But, they can do a great job of convincing themselves that they don’t. It’s more of that scale-balancing and it often comes from rationalizing everything, as Air signs are prone to do. They just ended their engagement because they think that it’s best to live life with no regrets. She ran away from that guy who really liked her, and whom she really liked, because they just weren’t connecting very well. They were incompatible! I’ve found that, with Air signs, there can be so much detachment, justification, or rationalizing that it becomes highly irrational, despite what the person may think, and only a means of running away from what they’re actually feeling.
The idealistic side of Libra loves commitment and considers it so important. But, the human side of Libra is often terrified of commitment, in spite of how quickly they may jump into certain relationships. They can jump in and then get into their heads and start freaking out about all of the things that could possibly go wrong. There is an element of self-sabotage here (which can be especially noticeable, depending on the chart) that makes them feel compelled to fuck up their relationships, in some way or another. Often times, this can be just when it’s getting good, as they become convinced that troubles are going to arise. After all, the 7th House symbolizes divorce as much as it does marriage. So, the break-ups, in romance and in friendship, that they can initiate are often a way for them to pull the trigger before it’s pulled on them. That way, they get to emerge as the one who is seemingly more rational.
I think that, since it’s a Cardinal sign (the quality of action), Libra would much rather be the one who is doing the leaving. But, inevitably, they will be left, as well. And a particularly unexpected or painful break-up that they did not see coming is enough to really scar them. Again, their innate search for balance makes them think that they should be, or seem to be, the rational one in the relationship. They feel a need to logically understand everything that’s going on. Often times, in situations where the other person is not happy, their Libra partner will be unaware as to why and when they leave them, it can be totally devastating and could even take a long time to recover.
Yet, another level of Libra, then, is the person who is left cold by committed relationships. It’s almost like they are a distant dream that they don’t want to think about too much. This can be the jaded Libra individual who has been disappointed too many times in love. But, it may also be due to them feeling like there are few people to really connect to. Having shared values in relationships is actually highly important to those with Libra placements. So, they can also go through a phase in which they feel like there is no kindred spirit on the horizon to share their lives with. There could be a gnawing kind of loneliness that sets in because of this but that is filled with other distractions as well as a defiant insistence that finding a romantic partner is just not important to them.
I won’t say that a single Libra is an unhappy Libra because that is just not necessarily true. But, I do think that there needs to be a strong inner hope in terms of relationships that doesn’t die. This could be because it gives them confidence (Sun), individuality (Rising), comfort (Moon), or self-esteem (Venus). Whatever the case, if you have Libra placements, you cannot become bitter or shut down when it comes to love. Even if you don’t end up in a committed relationship, you still should remain open to prospects and love interests. You should still get out there and date and welcome the possibility of this being the one. It’s not even about the other person and defining yourself through them or being completed by them. It’s just about knowing that establishing loving relationships needs to be a major emphasis for you, more than most. The single Libra can do this very easily with good friends, family, even co-workers. But, you need to extend that toward romantic partners, as well. Seeing yourself as worthy of that and capable of that is the purpose of Libra energy.
This leads to what seems like the final and most complete level of Libra: the one where there is always a steady relationship around the corner. This is the place of ideal balance for Libra, where a lot of the messiness and the flailing in love are overcome. At this stage, there is no resistance to love and there is no desperation for it, either. It just seems to manifest very naturally and effortlessly. It’s that young woman who gets out of a five-year relationship, meets someone two months later, and stays with him for three years. I have a close friend with a Libra Ascendant who has had a very similar pattern in life. To others, being such a serial monogamist could seem compulsive and even co-dependent. But, this is just how Libra operates at its highest level: knowing that they deserve love and understanding how to engage in the relationship in a healthy and mature way when they receive it.